nail polish medicine and contradictions

It's amazing how just painting my nails a new color makes me happy. I am now wearing "plum attraction" - a deep, piercing purple. There are so many things to love about myself besides my weight. I realized that while meticulously painting my nails. Hey- this is pretty. Hey, my hands look cute.

I'm still counting calories, have been since the 2nd. I just can't help myself right now... not that I'm getting the weight loss out of it you'd expect, but whatever.

See the contradictions? I want to get better, I want to lose weight. I'm unable to do both simultaneously.
I wonder if my body likes this weight? I wonder if I look average or decent because to be honest, I have no fucking clue.